Tip No. 203
Q. Please help me help my spouse. He is looking for a job after a recent lay-off and is putting a great deal of effort into this…but I think he’s making a lot of mistakes that are really costing him hiring opportunities. I’ve been in his situation myself, and I know first-hand what it takes to be successful. How can I best support him?
A. Looking for work can be very challenging. Especially if it takes several months, involves a career change, and/or is being conducted by someone who is quite introverted or has difficult-to-transfer skills. It can also be challenging for the partner of the job seeker, as you’ve discovered! Have you heard that old saying “no one likes a backseat driver”? That applies in job-hunting as well as driving, but there are ways you can help that are constructive: 1. Be careful not to dictate. If you believe you have some knowledge or expertise that would benefit your spouse, ask open-ended questions that well help them come to their own conclusions about best steps to take or direction to move. 2. Develop a clear financial picture and budget with your spouse in a discussion outside of one about his job search. Identify and implement any short- and long-term steps you can take together financially to ensure the time needed for a career transition and relieve anxiety during the process. You may discover that it is necessary to obtain rapid re-employment, and in that case a stopgap job may be necessary. However, taking the first job offer that comes along because of unfounded financial fear or pressure is not in the best interest of you or your partner. 3. Temper your need for information. One of the most difficult times to do this is after your spouse has had a networking or job interview. It may be that you are simply itching for a blow-by-blow replay of the event, but your spouse may come home and either cannot remember every nuance and/or is not prepared emotionally to sort through the interview in detail. A supportive way to approach this situation with a spouse would be to ask how they felt about the interview, ask them to share the highlights, and ask if there are any portions they want to discuss. Put your focus on their reactions to the interview in your debriefing, and offer encouragement rather than expert opinion. Interviewing can stir up a lot of emotions and is usually exhausting – your spouse will appreciate your loving support. 4. Empower your spouse in negotiations. While it is true that what your spouse gains in hiring closing negotiations will affect you both, it is up to them to manage the process. It will show in the negotiation process if your spouse needs to pass information between you, their partner, and the interviewer, and it will devalue their position in the negotiations. Role-play can be a very effective tool for negotiations, and is a great way for you to help them prepare to request their ideal terms and sell the employer on why they deserve them. 5. Celebrate the outcome, no matter what it is. Even if you would have done one thing or the other differently, be glad this transition is over and that your relationship is intact.
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